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Working models of relationships may also explain why some people recreate aspects of past relationships with new partners.
For example, if I did not receive much affection from an ex, I might still form new relationships that recreate those same patterns.
I'm torn because I like her and I want to help her, but I also don't want to expose myself and end up hurt, or just end up being used as some kinda rebound shoulder to cry on guy. Quality in a sucessful relationship, would be if the partner was more interested in where you two as a couple were heading into the future, rather than being so wrapped up in what she had to go through in her past.
Some things get better over time and love and trust. If you like her, then support her, rather than running her through your laundry list of reasons why she might be setting off alarms in your head and ditching her just because not "every" possible aspect of her nature is genuinely appealing or convinient to you at the time.
Working models are the mental representations that we hold about ourselves and other people, and that develop through experiences with people we are attached to.
The effects of childhood attachment become embedded in “working models” that influence how we form relationships in adulthood.
This is known as “stress-related growth” and refers to the idea that people can respond to distressing life events by growing beyond their previous level of psychological functioning.
In fact, some people may make the greatest changes in their lives following a period of stress or crisis after a breakup.
What traits, behaviors, or experiences with an ex (or exes) act as triggering cues in new relationships?
Recognizing these triggering cues is vital if you are to ultimately gain control and intentionally change your behaviors.