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Some bored person on the web created a Zoosk profile for Superman. In the Story section, the comic book superhero explains, “Long story but let’s just say you better be ready for a love affair that’s out of this world.” Under movies, Superman writes, “Action. His perfect match has alliteration in her name, and his ideal date is anything not involving Kryptonite.

No word on whether Lois Lane has a profile of her own yet. Take it away, Sydney: “The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergalicious and it’s at the part where she says, ‘I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness’ I can point to him and he’ll do the little ‘woo OOH’ part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful.” Sydney makes them boys go loco.

As Chiparoo wrote on Reddit, “Well he’s got MY attention.” For her profile picture, Becky chose a shot of her up to her neck in colorful plastic balls. Hilarious, with just a hint of innuendo, Becky definitely makes an impression on the singles of Tinder.

Under the About Becky section, she wrote simply, “I love balls.” Genius.

This gem of a dating profile, highlighted by Cosmopolitan, has one of the most laugh-out-loud About sections ever. I hope this 24-year-old single has boys lining down the block for her.

You’d think everyone on Ok Cupid is there because they want to meet people. Some users just want to be left alone while they wait for an imaginary perfect match to fall in their inboxes.

Clearly, he’s someone with a healthy sense of humor (and possibly heroic aspirations). Pictures on Tinder are extremely important for a first impression, so kudos to Reid on sending a positive, original, and funny vibe to date prospects on the app.

This anonymous Ok Cupid user, featured by Buzzfeed, already had our attention with his oh-so-original shirtless bathroom selfie.

The picture isn’t the funniest part of his dating profile, however.

Reluctant online dater dont_email_me lives in Texas, and he is very clear about what type of woman he wants: “If I can’t bounce a quarter off your inner thigh, hit the gym, not the ‘send’ button.” Charming.

“Okay, here’s the thing,” dont_email_me wrote in his self-summary, “I receive tens of thousands of emails a day and I can’t possibly take the time to read all of them. All I know is, please don’t send me an email if we aren’t at least 100% match and 0% enemies.” Message received. Savanah, age 22, is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Her picture shows her leaning against the railing of a bridge with sunglasses covering her eyes. Not a lot of skin showing and no clues to her personality.

Then she explains in vivid detail what will happen if you don’t answer her texts.

“I will turn up to your house drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning crying and trying to break in.” Points for honesty?

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